What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
