Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
