I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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