love makes seman taste better
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
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