On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
