That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
