I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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