Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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