i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
