I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
