so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
