Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
