Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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