those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
