I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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