He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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