One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
