come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
