No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
