We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
