there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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