Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We're too hungover to prance.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
