Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
