I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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