We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
