Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
