apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
