He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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