so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
