thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
