I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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