Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
