the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
