My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
