God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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