Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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