whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
