Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
