I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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