And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
