Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
