Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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