i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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