he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
third nipple confirmed
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
