I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
