Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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