epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
