the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
