you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
