Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
