3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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